Have you been searching for your soul mate?
With so many people in this world, why is it so hard to meet an ideal mate?
I hear from many of my single friends statements like:
- All of the good ones are taken.
- It’s so hard to meet someone of substance in this town.
- Men are just not men anymore.
- Woman are whores now.
- You can’t trust men/women.
The list goes on and on.
What is the issue and why is it so damn hard to meet good people? If you think about it, we have more people accessible to us then ever before. There are WAY more options to meet people in today’s day in age and yet so many people are so lonely.
Think about it, we have websites like: match.com, plenty of fish, ok cupid, tinder, eharmony, and many more. Have you every been on one of those sites? It can be like having a full time job. (Jay and I actually met on Match.com) There are so many options for people, it becomes difficult to make a decision. Plus, with the accessibility of so many women for men, there are some men who don’t want to commit. Why would they when women make themselves so available to men?
Jay and I played an experiment a few years back to see how crazy those sites can be. We found that women can be more desperate then men. Many women will put themselves in compromising situations to be with a man even if they know he is in a relationship. As crazy as it sounds, some women make it a competition. “I can take him from her”.
Turn the tables around and it can be challenging to find a “real” man. A man who is willing to treat a woman with respect, yet take her in the bedroom and dominate. Most men have become so passive they allow women to walk all over them. Over time, the woman grows tired of these type of men and moves on.
So, what is a person to do looking for their soul mate? We have some tips for you.
1. Be Comfortable With Being by Yourself.
This sounds crazy since this about finding your soul mate. In all honesty, if you do not know thyself then how the hell can someone know you? If you don’t love you first then there is no possible way for you to truly love someone else or have someone else to love. As soon as you are comfortable with being on your own, then you will not compromise your values to be with someone because you don’t want to be lonely.
2. Decide if You Truly Want to be in a Relationship or Simply Want to Play
Being single doesn’t have to be about finding your soul mate at every given point in time. Perhaps, you want to explore and date. If this is the case, be honest with those you associate with. The last thing you want to do is lead someone on who truly wants to be in a relationship.
Don’t lead people on because you feel bad or don’t want to hurt their feelings. If you don’t want to be in a serious relationship then communicate it with them. Women: if you want to get married, don’t have marriage breath. For goodness sakes, show the man your worth. The last thing you want is a man to marry you because he feels obligated. Marriage is not the end all be all.
Create a relationship with a foundation built on honesty. If you don’t turn out to be partners, you could turn out later to be friends or business associates. Life has a funny way of playing games on people.
3. Create Your Ideal Mate.
What does your ideal mate look like?
I actually did this when I decided I was ready to be in a relationship. I was in Hawaii with my friend. We were in paradise, relaxing with our kids. It was a great moment. I told her, let’s write down what we want in our ideal mate. I wrote down 10 things of what I wanted in a man. After we finished, we folded up our lists and put them away. I said it is not our job to sit and focus on this list continually. Our intention was set and sent out to the universe. I then asked her an important question: Who do we need to be to attract our ideal mate? We flew home the next day.
I met Jay 2 days later and the rest is history. By the way, Jay has every quality on my list plus more! (even down to being fit and having blue eyes). I was clear on what I wanted and who I desired to be with. I knew if I was to attract a man who was fit, I would have to be a woman who is fit. If I wanted an intelligent man, I had to be a woman of power/intelligence.
I believe many people screw up in this area. Many of us have an idea of the mate we want. We want to be treated with respect and love. Yet, we don’t turn the table around and look at ourselves. When you look at your list, ask yourself if you were this man/woman, how would he/she be attracted to you? In other words, who do you need to be to attract your ideal mate?
4. Trust Your Mate is Out There.
As stated, I did not continually think, “When will I meet him…where will I meet him”. I simply trusted and knew I would meet him when the time was right. I enjoyed the process. I allowed myself to have fun with life and learn through the experiences.
5. Understand You May Kiss a Few Frogs Before You Get to Your Prince.
Don’t beat yourself up over time wasted with other people. Everyone is in your path for a reason. No matter how miserable the experience was, it is part of your process. Allow yourself to date someone who is out of your norm to experience what that person may be like.
I dated men shorter than I wanted because I didn’t want to be with someone only because they were tall. I wanted to truly get to know people. I was curious about who they were. I had not experienced the dating scene when I was younger so I embraced the experience. I dated men who used me, leaving me feeling like I was a piece of trash. Yet, if it weren’t for some of the experiences I had, I would never had stopped drinking. I knew I would not attract the man I truly wanted to be with if I was drinking alcohol. (Jay and I both don’t drink).
6. Respect Yourself and Others
Remember your own values. Don’t allow yourself to change to have someone accept you. This won’t last long term. You will only resent the person you are with because you felt you had to change to keep them.
Respect who you are with. Don’t expect them to change. Acceptance is the highest form of love. You don’t have to stay with the person if they don’t meet your needs however you don’t have to put them down because they aren’t in sync with you. They simply are not a match for you. They could very well be a match for someone else.
Overall, dating in today’s society can be challenging. Make it fun. Don’t take it so seriously. Not everyone will find you attractive and that is OK. We all have different opinions.
A brief suggestion for men and women respectively.
Women: Many men believe women are crazy. Prove them wrong. Don’t stalk the men you are interested in. If they aren’t calling you back then they aren’t interested. Don’t talk bad about your past boyfriends to your suitors, it only makes you look bad. Don’t be with a man only because he is financially well off. If a man chooses you because you are hot and he wants arm candy then he will dump you when the newest flavor comes along. Be a woman of substance. Provide value for yourself and add value to your mates life. Support your man and build him up. Men are essentially big babies and they want you to be their biggest cheerleader/supporter.
Men: Be a man with your woman. Don’t let your woman walk all over you. Provide for your family. Don’t let the woman be the sole provider. Women innately desire to have security. If you don’t provide it then they will grow tired of you. Women are emotional and don’t always make sense. Don’t try and figure them out. Simply enjoy the moments. Give yourself space to be a man. Dominate them in the bedroom. Captivate and play with your woman.
And be cautious men when with a SUPER HOT/sexy woman. If you are going to choose a woman because she represents a fantasy for you then realize she may fall short in other areas. If you choose a woman only because of her looks, eventually you will grow tired of her. Every man can get tired of the same woman over time. After all, many women don’t age as well as men do. Make sure if you truly desire to be in a relationship. you have similar interests to create a stronger bond between the two of you. If you decide to be with a much younger woman because she visually and sexually stimulates you, make sure she is mature enough to stick out any tough times with you. We are all tested in rough waters.
There are no mistakes in life. Every person came into your life for a purpose. There are no regrets, only life lessons. Don’t beat yourself up for giving the best years of your life to someone. You can recreate who you are at any given point in time, if you decide to.
My favorite saying is, “Everyone needs a Jay Campbell in their life!”. I found mine!
Are you ready to find your ideal mate? Have you created your online dating profile yet?
Be the BEST YOU EVER!